The following is a pretend Conversation Between Cavs GM Danny Ferry and Suns GM Steve Kerr
(Supposedly, Kerr and Ferry had lunch during the All-Star Break in Dallas, Texas. Since neither GM had yet to complete a trade…the Cavs ‘wanting’ Stoudemire, and the Suns ‘wanting’ something in return…perhaps it could be imagined that their lunchtime conversation went something like this…)
*Pre-Note to Reader: Danny Ferry and Steve Kerr were Cavaliers teammates between 1990-1992. They both came off the bench, and remain good friends to this day.
Danny Ferry: Steve, good to see you.
Steve Kerr: Danny, always a pleasure. It’s nice to have a face-to-face lunch.
DF: I hear you. I’m a slave to my phone. But you did get my last message, right?
SK: Yeah…Hickson, some money, and a first rounder?
DF: And maybe Varejao…
SK: You’re kidding, right? I mean, I know it looks like we’re desperate, but seriously, if I trade Shaq and Stoudemire in the span of a year to the same team for what basically turns out to simply J.J. Hickson and a ton of cash, there’ll be fan mutiny. I mean, how good is Hickson, really?
DF: You’re asking me?
SK: Yeah, friend-to-friend. Bench warmer to bench warmer.
DF: Well, he can dunk.
SK: Obviously. And he hangs on the rim all the time. Can you tell him to stop that? What does he think that is, his signature?
DF: Give the young kid a break. He’s got talent. Lebron really likes him.
SK And you’re giving him to me?
DF: (Sarcastically) See how sweet a deal this is?
(They laugh, drink, check their phones…)
DF: Look, Steve, I’m going to be flat out honest with you. We actually don’t want Amare at all.
SK: I know.
DF: You do?
SK: Of course. This has worked out great, so let’s keep doing it. You offer me horrible trade deals, I pretend to almost pull the trigger, and other teams sweeten their deals. Hell, you got the Wizards on a string right now.
DF: (chuckles) Yeah, I know. First we beat the crap out of them for years in the playoffs and now we might be taking their best player. That’s got to sting. Hell, we might even get to keep J.J.
DF: Yep. They’re scared shitless about you giving us Amare. (pause…leans in, smiling) So, let me get this on the record…you’re very seriously considering our most recent deal?
SK: (mocks a serious businessman) Oh, we are veeeeery interested.
(They laugh, more drinking, more phone checking)
DF: I don’t even know why people think we should get Amare. I mean, sure he’s young, but do they actually think he’ll want to stay in Cleveland and live in Lebron’s shadow? Plus he doesn’t even stretch the defense, or play much defense for that matter.
SK: That’s our system, Dan. He can play defense, but, when it comes to stats, we’re kind of like the Colorado Rockies of the NBA, if you get what I mean.
(Ferry checks his Blackberry. His eyes widen)
DF: Wow, that was fast.
DF: It’s on the news we’re having lunch.
SK: So how long do you want to play this out?
DF: How about, around the 17th, you send out some hints that you are intrigued about the Hickson deal.
SK: I’ll get death threats, but it’s fine. (smiles tiredly). You know, Dan, you don’t want to be in my shoes. I’ve got a team that’s entertaining as hell. Everybody loves them, so if I trade Amare, I’m the bad guy, because I’m getting nothing in return. If I don’t do anything, I’m not helping the team get better.
DF: It’s a mad world out there, Steve.
(They eat for a while)
SK: You got Jamison in the bag, right?
DF: Just need ‘em to be freaked enough to do it without Hickson.
SK: Dan, (pretending to be serious) I will, deeply consider your offer.